


No Point in Placing the Blame

by odofidi



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But very minor. And off screen., Classic Self Sabotage, Fall Out and Aftermath, I know the rules of this world so in the end it will be ok, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Recreational Drug Use, Season 6 Episode 6, The Wingman, Whump, but it'll be ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:20:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22689877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odofidi/pseuds/odofidi
Summary: Part of him knew it was a mistake, that he was overreacting, falling into old patterns, putting Patrick into the same columns as the ones who came before him. The rational part of his brain knew this. But the stronger part, the part that had been broken for so long, the part still covered with fragile cracks, over ruled.What if David wasn't so sure about everything. What if in the end, the idea of having gone through with anything at Jake's scared him so badly that he walked away?
Relationships: Alexis Rose & David Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Patrick Brewer/Original Male Character(s), Stevie Budd & David Rose, Stevie Budd & Patrick Brewer
Comments: 46
Kudos: 189





	1. I’m Back on the Shelf and I’m Blaming Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Goodness gracious me. It's been an extremely long time since something has affected me quite like The Wingman did, and even  
> longer since I've written anything, let alone shared it to the world. It's been over a decade since I've written anything for a fandom,  
> but having fallen so deeply in love with this one, I literally couldn't sleep and instead began writing this instead  
> (which worked great for my work day today...) 
> 
> This has not been beta'ed as I've pretty much just been lurking in this fandom for a few months, enjoying all your lovely works. So this might be crap, but at least maybe now I'll be able to sleep.
> 
> Chapter Title from "Love, You Didn't Do Right By Me" from White Christmas, sung by the incomparable Rosemary Clooney.

**Chapter 1**

**I’m Back on the Shelf and I’m Blaming Myself**

He brushed past Patrick into the bathroom, closing the door quickly behind him and immediately stared into the mirror, hands grasped on either side of the sink. Part of him knew it was a mistake, that he was overreacting, falling into old patterns, putting Patrick into the same columns as the ones who came before him. The rational part of his brain knew this. But the stronger part, the part that had been broken for so long, the part still covered with fragile cracks, over ruled. He grabbed the leather cosmetic bag and slowly began to empty his side of the medicine cabinet.

When he stepped out into the living room again, Patrick was sitting quietly on the couch, scrolling through his phone. It was as though it were any other day; Patrick calmly waiting for David to be ready as he checked emails, scrolled through the news and made notes to himself about things that needed to be done for the day. David had a small moment of pause, knowing he was about to throw everything off course, potentially forever. Breathing deeply, he walked further into the apartment, placing the cosmetic bag into his open overnight bag, and quickly zipped it shut.

“You ready?” Patrick’s question came from the couch, his head still bowed, looking at a vendor email.

“Um…” David paused, pulling the sleeves of his sweater further down his hands, trying desperately, and failing, to calm his own heart rate. “I am. However…”

Patrick looked up then, turning slightly to face David as he leaned against the kitchen table. “David?”

“So the thing is,” David took a deep breath, looking down at his shoes for a moment. “I realized something last night and I think we need to…” He cleared his throat, praying to whomever would listen to help him get through this. “I think we need to step back.”

Patrick looked at him in confusing, rising from his position, turning fully to face David, the couch still between them. “Step back…?”

“I realized last night that maybe there was something more to your eagerness in going over to Jake’s… and I think we need to step back and give you the space to explore that.”

Patrick continued to look at him with confusion on his face. They had been fine. They came home last night, laughing over the situation, over the ridiculousness of it all, the idea that they had even considered being at Jake’s. Hadn’t they? Hadn’t David fallen asleep leaning softly against him? “I don’t…what?”

David cleared his throat again, the words spilling out of him, he couldn’t stop now even if he tried. “I’m going to go to the store. Alone. And tonight, I’m moving back into the motel. I think you need to take some time, and really … really see what is out there and figure out what you want.” He crossed his arms over his chest protectively, his hands still deep inside his sweater. “I want you to. I want you to go and experience other people. I want … We need to spend some time apart and reevaluate this whole, getting married thing.”

He was dreaming, that’s what it was. This had to be a nightmare. There was no way that David was honestly standing in front of him, essentially breaking up with him over the nothing that happened last night. “David…” His brain buffered as a he took a single step forward, stopping as David flinched back. “No. No that’s…I do not want that, David. No.”

David nodded slowly. “We need to.”

“I don’t understand. What changed between last night and this morning? We were fine. We laughed about it! You were just as willing to go over as I was.”

“I wasn’t.”

“What?! David, you moisturized…”

“Ok, you just described a Tuesday. I went along with it because I could tell you wanted to and there was never any danger in it being Jake. No one’s going to catch _feelings_ with Jake.” David scoffed. “But no, I wouldn’t call myself willing.” He pulled one arm away from his body, gesturing towards Patrick. “You however…” The sentence hung in midair as David’s arm slowly fell back to his side. 

“Oh my god.” Patrick sighed, his hands falling to rest on his waist. “This is ridiculous, David. I don’t want to reevaluate anything. I don’t… I don’t understand how this went from something stupid we were both thinking about to you wanting to take a break!”

“I know you don’t. And that…that’s on me, not you. I know I’m not exactly being articulate right now. But this is where we are.” David shrugged, closing his arms around himself again. “So I’m going to the store. I don’t…please don’t come in today. Or tomorrow. I mean it. You need to take time, and you need to explore what else is out there. And maybe, in a few weeks…”

“A few weeks!?” Patrick interrupted, his voice raising. “A few weeks, David this is _insane_. We’re planning a wedding! This…a few weeks?!”

“Wedding planning is… I can’t. You need to figure out what you want…”

“You. I want you.”

David sighed, looking back down at his shoes, one hand rubbing slowly over his eyes. He couldn’t keep doing this. Standing here was killing him. “Patrick. I… please.”

“No. I will not stand here and let you break us up over nothing!”

“It’s not _nothing_!” David replied, suddenly shouting. “I won’t do this in five years Patrick, I won’t. I cannot marry you, and build a life with you, and having this fairytale existence, knowing that any second, any moment, someone is going to walk into our store, or the café, and suddenly you’ll realize what you’ve been missing and that’s it. It’s over, everything we built is gone. I can’t. I won’t.” He paused a moment, blinking rapidly, willing the tears he could feel to stay where they were. He wasn’t going to cry. He refused. He was going to get through this.

“So please. Go out. Meet new people. Go to that gay bar in Elm Valley. Take a weekend in Toronto. Sign up for Grindr. Go see what else is out there. Because I cannot, _will not_ , spend my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. So take some time, and figure out if I’m really what you want, or just what was here.” He walked towards the door and picked up his overnight bag. Patrick hadn’t even noticed it had been sitting by the door. Or how full it seemed.

“I’m going to the store. And then I’m going home. You’re officially on sabbatical.”

“Home…David _this_ is home.”

David sighed, ignoring the pleading behind Patrick’s voice. He looked over at his fiancé as he turned the door knob and opened the apartment door. David closed his eyes briefly before walking out, closing the door softly behind him.

\-------

Patrick stared at the door. _What in the ever-loving hell just happened?_

Time seemed to suddenly stand still. Not 20 minutes ago everything was fine. Wasn’t it? Sitting back down on the couch, Patrick began to replay the events of the last two days.

Waking up with David, making pancakes, Jake coming in and delivering the coffee table. Patrick stared at his new table. It really was a beautiful table. There was nothing untrue about that. Jake knew what he was doing. With his hands. _Stop that_. Patrick scolded himself out of that thought. The table was nice but that was it. There was nothing inherently special about…

Patrick played their conversation about going to Jakes over in his head. It had been agreement. What had David’s words been? _If we were to have a whiskey with someone, Jake would be the person to do it with_. Was that not an agreement? An acknowledgment that it was something they were both considering?

And then there was the walk up to Jakes apartment. OK yes, David had been surprised at the shirt Patrick had been wearing, but when was the last time David had worn that jacket? Surely not since they had gotten together? No, he distinctly remembers David walking into the store, several days before the soft launch, wearing that jacket.

Standing and pacing, Patrick replays the conversation they had when they had gotten home. There were jokes, laughter between both of them, David showering, Patrick throwing the shirt into the hamper, climbing into bed wearing soft sweats, David climbing in next to him.

No, they hadn’t had sex but that wasn’t _that_ uncommon. They had gone nights without having sex before, even when David was staying over. Ok, yes they were infrequent but not completely unheard of.

Patrick found himself standing in front of their bed, staring, David asleep under the covers or sitting and reading in his mind’s eye. Scrubbing a hand over his face, Patrick came to the conclusion that this was just an over-reaction. David would be fine by the end of the day. The whole situation had been bizarre. Hadn’t Patrick even suggested leaving before they opened the door, commenting on how complicated it was becoming? Surely that means David knew where his feelings lay, after all, it had been David who insisted on them knocking.

But then Patrick’s gaze fell to the right of the bed, to the chair sitting in the corner. Usually David’s bag sat on top. Despite Patrick’s insistence that David just start moving more of his stuff over, the process had been slow, David still returning to the motel every few days to switch out clothes. Now, however, instead of David’s black leather bag, Patrick’s shirt from the night before lay draped over the chair.

David must have pulled it out of the hamper while Patrick had been in the shower this morning. But why? _To stare at it._ The tiniest voice resonated in Patrick’s brain as he walked over to stand in front of it. _To see the you he thinks you want to be._

Patrick scoffed. This was silly. He’d give David the day and meet him at the store around closing. They’d talk again, they’d get dinner, David would come home. He would chalk it up to nerves, jitters, old habits refusing to die.

Patrick turned back towards the bed, maybe he’d take a walk, wander past the store, see if David called him in.

And that’s when he saw them.

Four gold rings sitting on David’s night stand.

\----

David stood behind the counter, staring at the inventory sheet in front of him. He would not think about how quiet the store seemed with only him filling the space.

Or how strange his left hand felt.

He looked up as the bell above the door jingled and watched as Stevie walked in. Smiling tersely, he returned his gaze to the inventory sheet. They were running low on toner.

“So…do you want to tell me what that was about?”

David looked up and momentarily made eye contact with Stevie, who now stood on the opposite side of the counter, head cocked to the side as she stared at David.

  
“No. I do not.” David bowed his head again, placing a small mark next to the toner, a reminder to call in a new order.

“Seriously. How did that even happen? How on earth…why did you two…”

David raised his head and glared. “I said I do _not_ want to talk about it. Thanks so much.”

He moved away from Stevie, taking the inventory sheet with him and wandering over to the candles towards the back of the store. Did they really only have 5 of the vanilla left? That can’t be right, he had just ordered some last week.

“David.” Stevie sighed watching her friend walk away, avoiding the uncomfortable conversation. It was a David specialty. She walked over and stood next to him, turned towards him as he did everything he could to avoid looking at her. Reaching out, she snatched the inventory list from his hands, holding it behind her as David was forced to face her finally.

“Give that back please. I’m in the middle of something.” He held his left hand out, waiting for the paper.

“David…Where are your engagement rings?” Stevie’s voice was slow, measured, bearing no hint of teasing or sarcasm. If anything, she sounded scared.

“Stevie…” David’s voice had dropped to a whisper. “Please just give it back.”  
  
“Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on.” The fear was gone. Steely reserve now resonated from her.

“Please.” She barely heard the word. Whether it was because she was so focused on the fact that tears were now slowly falling down his face, or he had whispered so softly, Stevie will never know.

In the end it didn’t matter. Turning she locked the front door, switching the sign to closed, gently moved David into the back office, swinging the curtain closed behind them and held her best friend as he cried.


	2. I Can’t Get Near You Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Stevie talks some sense into us all, and these boys talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being longer than I originally intended, these boys just would not shut up. Literally, it's very dialogue heavy. Apologies. Angst is still driving this bus, but I promise it won't be forever.
> 
> Chapter title from "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx. I'm hitting the 90s ballads hard while writing.

**Chapter 2**

**I Can’t Get Near You Now**

“So explain this to me again.”

Stevie stood leaning against the back wall, arms crossed, staring at David as he sat on the small couch, head hanging down, fingers ghosting over where his rings should be.

David sighed deeply. “Stevie.”

“No, I’m sorry. It sounds like you had a very adult conversation about the whole situation and then you completely freaked out for no reason. So please, explain to me again how you went from one to the other overnight. Because if I’m confused, I guarantee that Patrick is.”

David looked up at her. He knows she’s right, knows that the look of confusion on Patrick’s face as he left was, without question, because David seemingly pulled a 180.

“David. Are you mad that I stayed?”

“What? No! Why on earth would I be mad that you stayed?”

“Is it the whole situation you object to or…”

“I don’t object to anything!” David stood, pacing in the tiny back office. “I do not have any objection towards anything that was going on in that apartment. The only thing I’ve ever objected to is a lack of consent. As long as everyone is willing and, you know, legal, I do not care what kind of relationships people engage in.”

“Okay…”

“And if I thought that last night would have been…a one-time experiment or … But I don’t. I think it’s indicative of a larger…concern.”

“A concern.”

“A quandary. An issue.”

“Your issue, or his?” David rolled his eyes at her. “Sorry. Obviously, yours.”

“It’s not like this is the first time I’ve had this particular…disquietude.”

Stevie looked at him for a moment, letting the Moira word slide. It would only create another spiral and honestly, there were only so many David anxieties she could handle at once. “So your concern is what?”

“That…” David took a deep breath. He was going to have to voice it eventually. His own mortification at feeling like an insecure moron aside, he was going to have to say it. “That his lack of experimentation and exploration post realization is going to manifest in a dissatisfaction in our marriage, culminating in eventual resentment and dissolution.”

“Wow.”

“I know.”

“No I mean, wow you really start turning into your mother when you overthink things.” Fuck the spiral.

“Ok, _rude_.” David collapsed back on the couch, curling into himself and placing his head in his hands.

“Can I ask…What exactly gives you the impression that what Patrick wants or needs is anything outside of what he already has? Is there something _specific_ that happened that makes you question his commitment? Or make you think he’s not being truthful?”

“Other than the past when he wasn’t exactly forthcoming with vital information?” The words spat themselves out of David. He knew it wasn’t fair, to Patrick, to their relationship, to the conversations they had had in the past, to the work they had done to build trust. But sometimes fear makes you cruel. David knew that better than anyone.

“That’s not fair. I know you’ve talked with him about Rachel and his parents. You can’t keep holding that against him, pulling it out when you’re hurt or angry. _That’s_ a recipe for a bad marriage. Eventually you are going to have to let that go and forgive him.”

David leans his chin against his hands, staring at the wall by Stevie’s knees. “I know. And I did. I’m not…I’m not mad. I’m concerned that he’s holding back from what he wants because he’s stupid considerate and I’m still very much damaged goods.”

“What if all he wants is you?”

“Well, then he’d be the first.”

And that, Stevie knew, was the heart of it all. No one had ever wanted David this consistently for this long. And it was terrifying. And when David is scared he does the only thing he’s ever known how to do, shove people away and give them the out he thinks they are looking for. Even if, like now, he’s completely wrong.

“I think you need to voice these things to Patrick.”

“No.”

“David…”

“No. _Patrick_ needs to go and have a string of David free experiences and figure out what it is that he wants.”

“Well that’s cruel.”

“It’s not _cruel_.” David snipped. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting to hear him tell me he made a mistake. I do not want him to be like the rest of them.”

“Whatever made you think he could be?”

He had no answer for that.

David looked up questioningly as the bell over the front door chimed. His eyes grew wide as a voice rang out “David…?”

  
“Oh god.” He whispered, frantically looking over at Stevie. “Please, make him leave.”

“What? David, no. Go talk to him!”

“Please.” He shook his head. “I can’t. He needs…he needs to go and be… _Please_.”

Stevie sighed and moved from behind the curtain. Being David’s friend was never easy. But this…

“David?” Patrick startled as Stevie walked out to the store floor. “Stevie, where’s…”

“Let’s go for a walk.”

“What? No. Where’s David. David!” Patrick raised his voice, making to move into the back office.

“Patrick.” Stevie laid a hand on his forearm, stopping his movement. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

Wanting desperately to shove her aside and run back to David, to either shake him until he stopped this or cry in his arms, he wasn’t sure, Patrick sighed and allowed Stevie to pull him towards the door. As he passed by the counter, he placed the velvet box in his hand down. Staring at it for only a moment before following Stevie out the door.

\-----

The bench was cold underneath him. It shouldn’t be, it was a warm day, but the very depth of him shivered with cold. He still couldn’t figure out how they had gotten here.

“Is he…does he…” Patrick sighed. The very idea of speaking the words he was thinking out loud scared the hell out of him.

“No.” Thank God for Stevie and her eerie ability to know what he was thinking. “He doesn’t want out. He’s not walking away. He’s terrified.”

Patrick stood, his hands coming up to cover his face. “This is the… stupid coffee table… fucking shirt.” Stevie blinked up at him. She’d never heard him swear before. “I don’t understand what he wants. I don’t understand why he thinks I could want… I asked him to _marry_ me! How is that not proof of what I want?!”

“David is…concerned that last night exposed some underlying desires that you haven’t… explored but that he can’t fill.” Patrick stared at her incredulously. “Look, I didn’t say he was right or thinking even a little logically. It’s just what he feels.” She leaned back against the bench, crossing her arms.

“This…three days ago we were discussing if we should have kids and now suddenly he wants me to go date other people.” Head hanging low, hands on hips, he let out long slow breath. “This is insane. I don’t want this.”

“I know.”

“I don’t know how to fix this.”

“You know that I think you guys are good for each other. But…” Patrick’s head shot up. “What made you want to go over there?”

Patrick shifted his gaze and stared into the distance. What _did_ make him want to go over there? Had it just been that an attractive man had been flirty and complimentary towards him? No. He got that every day from David. Not a day went by where he didn’t catch David looking at him in the store, raking his eyes over Patrick and smirking. David constantly made him feel attractive and wanted.

It certainly hadn’t just been because he found Jake attractive. He had found other men attractive before. Post Ken disaster date and Ted’s drunken spin the bottle kiss, they had been able to admit when they found someone else attractive. They could sit at a restaurant in Elmdale and both comment on the hot guy across the room. There was never any danger in it. So why did last night feel different for David?

“It was… something different. I’ve never even contemplated doing something like that before. With anyone I’ve been with. It was…”

“New?” Patrick nodded. “So then, maybe… Maybe, David has a point.”

“What? No. David does not have a _point_. It was an experience to have _with_ him.”

“OK but that’s not how he’s seeing it. He’s seeing it as something you need to experience on your own.”

“Well that’s just wrong.” Stevie laughed softly. “It was only worth even considering if it was with him. I don’t want to experience anything, any _one_ , if it means I have to do so without him.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think you have a choice.” She held up her hand, stopping his indignant response. “Look, he’s concerned that you are going to resent not having these experiences and it’s going to turn into every other relationship he’s ever had – surprise threesomes that haven’t been discussed first and open relationships that he doesn’t know is open until it’s too late. _I know_ ,” Stevie raised her voice over his protests, “I know that is not the case but old habits die hard. And being with David means dealing with the shitty people of his past.”

Patrick sat aback down next to her. “So what, I’m supposed to just… go out and date other people?”

“I mean, maybe.” Patrick’s laugh was bitter. “Do you think it will change your feelings about him?”

He shook his head slowly. “No. I want to marry him. Nothing can change that.” Stevie shrugged. “I just thought we were past this insecurity. We’ve been together long enough. How can he… how can he still doubt this?”

Stevie looked carefully at her friend. His face had fallen, he looked utterly defeated. She wanted to sprint back to the store and smack David for making this look appear on his face.

“Trust… trust isn’t the easiest thing for David. No one’s ever given him full trust, so to give that back is almost impossible.”

“I trust him. Fully.”

“Now.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m going to say this once, and then we are going to let it go. Historically, you haven’t always proven that you trust him. With the big things.” Patrick stared at her. “Rachel. Your parents. Occasionally you make decisions for him because you feel that it’s what’s best, but you skip over the part where you talk to him about it. And sometimes David needs that. But sometimes, sometimes David needs to be forced to deal with the hard conversations. And sometimes your need to protect him overrides everything. Loving David, knowing those parts of David, means wanting to make up for every shitty person in his past. But you can’t always protect him from himself. And I think this time, you need to actively _not_ protect him. Even if it hurts.”

\------

David doesn’t actually know how long he’s been leaning against the doorframe that leads to the back office, staring at the velvet box sitting on the counter, but it’s been a while. Probably too long. He’s pretty positive several people have come by, attempting to enter the store despite the closed sign only to find the door locked. He can guess that several of them, seeing him standing behind the counter, knocked, possibly even yelled his name. None of it registered with David. His entire being was inside that slim velvet box. Everything that mattered sat on the counter. And it all seemed to be slipping away.

And he had no one to blame but himself.

The bell above the door jingled as Stevie walked back in. She stood in front of the counter and said his name. David barely blinked. Covering the box with her hands, she tried again. “David.”

The sudden change to his vision finally snapped David out of his maudlin reverie and he looked up at her, blinking slowly.

“Patrick is outside. He wants to speak to you. I think you owe him that.” David paused for a moment before nodding slowly. He barely registered Stevie turning and beckoning for Patrick to come in. Slowly, Patrick took Stevie’s place in front of the counter as she slipped outside, closing the door behind her, keeping her back to them as she stood guard outside the shop.

“Hi.” Patrick’s voice was barely a whisper.

David blinked rapidly, pushing the tears back into his skull. He cleared his throat. “Hi.”

“David…” Patrick took a deep breath, steading the shaking in his voice. “This… I do not agree with…” He stopped again. He could feel anger rising and he didn’t want to get there. This wasn’t about anger or jealousy. It was fear and regrets. Feelings Patrick was intimately familiar with. “If this is what you need, then despite my feelings, I can do this. But I’m going to need you to lay down the ground rules.”

“Excuse me?”

“The ground rules. Your sister… Alexis explained to me about the whole ground rules situation after Ken. If this is what you want me to do, I need you to give me ground rules.”

David stared at him for a moment. Ground rules. Josh Groban’s leather binder flashed in his mind’s eye. The velvet box stared back at him. “There aren’t any.”

“David.”

“I mean it. There aren’t any. Anything that happens, will never be held against you if we… There are no ground rules.”

“When we.” Patrick took a step closer to the counter relaxing slightly when David didn’t flinch back. At least it was a step up from this morning.

“That’s the only rule. Nothing can be held against you. This is a free pass situation.”

Patrick nodded. “Timeline?”

“There isn’t one. Take your time. Experience things. Focus on you. Take me out of the equation completely.”

“David…”

David shook his head, his arms wrapping tighter around his upper arms, a protective shield against every emotion, every feeling he can feeling trying to knock him over. “You have to actually do it though. No half-assed attempts. Please don’t… This is hard and painful, please just…”

“David you don’t have to do this. I’m not…”

  
“Yes. I do. We were always coming to this Patrick.” His voice took on a cold edge. “I’d rather do this now when there’s still an easy exit than 10 years from now when things are far more complicated.”

Patrick sighed and looked at David, truly looked at him for the first time today. The sight made him want to cry. He had never seen David so small, so tired. His bright, beautiful fiancé had all but disappeared. In his place was this quiet, meek man who looked dejected.

“Ok. If this…Ok.” Patrick shrugged. “But I have a rule of my own.” He looked at David, waiting for the confirmation to continue. “When this is done, it’s done. No more waiting for the shoe to drop. No more doubting us. Because I can’t keep doing this either, David. I cannot live in a state of fear that something could derail us again. If I do this, that’s it. We never go through this again.”

David nodded. “That’s fair. But you have to actually do this. I mean it. You have to go and have experiences.”

“Fine. But you don’t get to decide what those experiences are.” David moved to protest but Patrick cut him off. “No. You don’t get to decide that David. If this is for me, then I have to do it on my terms and you don’t get to decide that I have or haven’t experienced enough. I’m not going to just go and sleep with a random because you think I need to experience that. I wasn’t that guy before I knew I was gay and I’m not going to suddenly become that guy.”

“But you can’t take it off the table.”

“Jesus Christ, David!” The anger was back and this time, Patrick couldn’t stamp it back down. “I’m not going to fuck some random guy because you think I need to. And if that’s all your looking for me to do then you can forget this whole thing!”

David curled into himself further. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” David cleared his throat, looking down at his shoes. “This is for you and you’re right.”

“Thank you.” Patrick’s voice was quiet again, the anger subsiding slightly as he watched David. “What about the store. You said this morning…”

David nodded, looking back up to make eye contact again. “This needs to be a David free time for you, so I’ll, I’ll handle the store.”

“Well that isn’t going to work.”

“Patrick. We can’t continue to be around each other constantly if this… if you’re really going to do this…”

Patrick held up a hand, cutting him off. “Quarterly taxes are due in two weeks. I need to be able to finish them. I’m in the middle of budget stuff and renegotiating several vendor contacts. I can’t just not work, David.” David sighed and nodded in agreement. “But I understand what you’re saying. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. I’ll cover the store and handle what I need. You’ll be here Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.”

It sounds reasonable. “You should take Sundays, I’ll take Saturdays. We open later and close earlier. It’ll be easier for you then trying to come in early after a late Friday out.” David swallows thickly and scratches at the back of his left hand.

“Ok.” This conversation is tiring. Patrick desperately wants to fast forward two weeks and have this whole stupid experiment over. “Ok.” David shifts off the door jam, making a move to turn away when Patrick calls out one last time. “Please take these back.” David turns to see him pushing the velvet box towards him on the counter. The smile he gives is small, pained, and watery.

“Keep them safe for me?” He turns and moves back behind the curtain, letting it fall and obscure Patrick’s view. Patrick lets out a shaky breath, his grip tightening around the box as he pulls it towards him and tucks it into his back pocket.

Moving across the store, he pauses as he reaches the door, gripping the handle, and looks around. It was here amongst boxes that Patrick knew his feelings towards David were something. Here, surrounded by toilet plungers, that he knew something had changed. Here, under twinkle lights, that he knew he was in love. And here, surrounded by specialty massage oils, toners, and moisturizes that he knew he was loved.

He just hopes it isn’t here, quiet without soft jazz playing over their sound system, David’s muffled sobs floating softly through the curtain, that he loses everything.


	3. No Sweeping Exits or Offstage Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Patrick does what David has asked of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to say we've moved on from the angst, but I try not to lie, as a rule. I have, finally, mapped out where this is heading though. So ... yay? We're gonna hang out here in the land of angst for a bit longer before we find what we need.
> 
> Chapter title from Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones. Though I was listening to The Sundays's version. Cause I'm a 90s girl who always turns to this song when heartbreak is around.

Chapter 3

**No Sweeping Exits or Offstage Lines**

David leaned against the counter, his notebook lying open in front of him as he attempted to sketch out designs for a new display. They had new products coming in from their newest vendor, beautiful pens and hand bound notebooks that would be exceptional tools for any student who had good taste. They deserved a beautifully designed display to really showcase how exquisite they were. David continued to stare at a black page.

It had been two days since he had spoken to Patrick. There had been no texts, no notes, no dropping by at the store. Two days of complete and total radio silence, just as David had requested.

He was miserable.

So far he had managed to avoid any questions from his family about why he had slept at the motel. It still happened on occasion so a night here or there wasn’t out of the ordinary, or cause for concern for them, yet. He knew it wouldn’t last though. Going back for a third night in a row, at the very least Alexis was going to question it. Her decision to stay in Schitt’s Creek and not meet Ted in the Galapagos would only distract her for so long. David was dreading having that conversation.

He sighed, closing his notebook and checked the time on his phone. He only had to get through another 15 minutes before he could close and then he’d be able to disappear from the general population until Friday. Tomorrow was Patrick’s day at the store. David wasn’t sure how he was going to survive the day. Yesterday had been easier, he had spent the day at Stevie’s, drowning his misery in red wine and moderately good weed. That wasn’t an option for tomorrow, Stevie was working. He wondered if he still had any of the sleeping pills he had stashed away years ago, hidden somewhere in the motel room. Tomorrow would be easier if he could just sleep it away.

He shifted over to the door and flipped the sign to _CLOSED_. He didn’t bother locking the door yet, he would be leaving as soon as he finished up closing procedures. It had been a slow day, there was very little to do.

Ten minutes later he stepped back onto the store floor from the backroom and looked around. The cash had been moved to the safe, all the products had been replenished, and the counter had been wiped down. The place looked pristine. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed his bag and walked out, locking the door behind him. Placing his Balenciaga sunglasses on his face, guarding his eyes from the world, David began the walk back to the motel and prayed to whomever was listening that he’d find his room empty.

\-----

The past few days without David had been some of the worst days in Patrick’s recent memory. He was trying his damnedest to do as David ask, and make this time completely David free. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever done.

Even during their week apart after Rachel had blown into town, they were still texting. Patrick was sending notes, flowers, wine. He didn’t feel completely cut off from David. But this time, Patrick knew he couldn’t do any of those things. This time was different in so many ways. He was supposed to be taking this time to explore. Experiment. Figure out what he wanted.

The problem was, Patrick knew what he wanted. He’d known for almost two years now, ever since a string of rambling voicemails wrapped in a blur of black and white had entered his world. He couldn’t think of anything else that he wanted more than to just be with David.

But he knew that he would never be with David again if he didn’t do what David had asked. So he tried. After spending their first night apart miserable, alone, and staring at a black velvet box, he forced himself to go out. He drove to the gay bar in Elmdale and sat at the bar, nursing a beer. It made him think of the first few nights he spent after ending things with Rachel for the last time; sitting on a bar stool, nursing a beer, thinking about what went wrong.

Back then, he had spent his time trying to figure out why he couldn’t just make it work, wondering if he should go back and try again. He knew something was wrong with his relationship but he just couldn’t put his finger on it. It had always felt just a little off, and ever since he had proposed it had felt completely tipped on its axis. Back then he knew, sitting on that bar stool, he was making the right choice in leaving. That if things didn’t feel right now, they were never going to. Back then he knew he was moving towards something. It didn’t feel that way now.

The first night out had started slow, the first hour passing without incident as he had slowly made his way through three beers. The only thing he kept thinking about was how stupid this whole thing was, how desperately he just wanted to go home to David. How he hoped that he could go to him tomorrow, tell him that he tried but everything was wrong and can’t we just be done with this experiment already?

“Can I buy you another one?”

The voice was soft, silky, deep. Patrick had blinked up from his beer and found himself looking into a dark handsome face with a dazzling smile. The other man was beautiful. He was dressed impeccably if not simply, in jeans and a vintage tee-shirt, the band’s logo fading into obscurity under the soft leather bomber jacket that cradled his frame and landed perfectly at his slim waist. Patrick had stared for a moment before nodding. “Sure.”

They had sat for a while, drinking, laughing. Patrick had been close to drunk before the man had sat down and the extra drinks hadn’t slowed that process. It had felt normal, good almost, to be sitting and flirting in this bar, having a handsome man buy him drinks. Then he felt a hand slide up his thigh and Patrick had startled back into reality, suddenly sober. He had stood, apologized, and bolted.

Wrong. It just felt wrong.

The next night Patrick had sat in his apartment, trying to find a way to reach out to David. He desperately wanted to tell him that he was sure, so sure, of what he wanted. But he also knew that if went to David now, David would tell him one failed moment in a bar didn’t fully cover everything that he was supposed to be doing. So instead Patrick had stared up at his ceiling until he fell asleep, his dreams a swirl of black and white.

He forced himself to go out again the following night. He had felt weird, not being at the store on a Saturday, knowing how busy they usually were. His guilt had him picking up his keys and almost leaving his apartment several times before reason got the better of him.

That night he had returned to the bar and had stood, leaning against the bar, sipping a beer and looking out at the crowd. If he was going to do this, he was going to do this. Looking around his gaze had landed on a blonde, slim, young face, who was smiling through the crowd, all teeth and laughter in his eyes. He had looked younger than Patrick and his face had lit up as someone had made him laugh. Patrick had let his gaze rake over the younger man; his jeans tight but not overly so, hugging in the right places, his sweater a lightweight v-neck with the sleeves pushed up slightly. There was something about the way his man stood that had told Patrick it had been a lot easier for him to pick out an outfit tonight than it had been for Patrick.

The man’s gaze had wandered over and his eyes had locked with Patrick’s. Patrick saw him mumble something to his group before he had walked over. Their conversation had been easy, light, and no one had pushed too far. In the end, the man had slipped his number into Patrick’s hand and wandered away.

Patrick had texted him this morning. They had made plans. Patrick had made a date with James, the pretty blonde from the bar for that night.

\----

Stevie walked into the store and stood in front of Patrick. He had been typing something out on his phone and only looked up when she began to tap her fingers on the counter.

“Hi.”

“Hi. David needs to stop by the apartment.”

His heart stopped for a moment. “I’m sorry?”

“David. He left a couple of sweaters at your place. He wants to stop by and grab them. I know you’re closing soon, but can he go now and grab them?” Stevie seemed even more brisk than usual. Patrick knew she hated being in the middle of this, hated being their middle person, the child going between divorced parents. He hated it too.

“Um…yeah. He can go now. Or…” He took a breath. “I’m going out…later. If that works. Better. For him.” He could feel his face going pink as he spoke, looking down and away from Stevie.

“Out. Later.” She repeated. “Holy shit. Do you have a date?” He couldn’t meet her eyes as he nodded slowly. “Wow.”

“Stevie…” He looked up at her, praying the look in her eyes wasn’t disappointment. He was doing what David had asked, wasn’t he?

“It’s fine.” She smiled, slightly, at him. “Honestly.”

He nodded. “So should I text David or…”

“No.” She shook her head as she turned towards the door. “I’ll let him know. I think he’ll pick now, just FYI.”

She was gone before Patrick could say anything else.

\-----

**He said you can go now.**

_Did he_

_How did he look?_

**Ok. Little sad. He’s doing what you asked, though so**

**At least there’s that.**

_How_

_How do you know?_

Stevie bit her lip. Shit. She hadn’t meant to tell him. She stared down at the last text that David had sent, contemplating if he should know, if he could handle it. _This is what he wanted_ she thinks to herself. _This is going to hurt like a mother fucker._

**He’s going out later.**

_Out? Like… on a date?_

**Yes**

A solid five minutes past before the three little dots appeared on her screen again.

_Good. Good._

_That’s…good._

Her finger lingered over his name, as she thought about calling him, talking him down from the ledge she knew he was standing on when he suddenly texted again.

_I’ll be out of his place in 15. I’ll talk to you tomorrow._

\-----

Patrick walked into his apartment, placing his keys on the kitchen table and paused. Even if Stevie told him David was going to stop by, he would have known he had been here. Patrick could smell him, feel him in his very being. David left an essence everywhere he went and Patrick had missed it desperately.

Moving through the apartment, Patrick made his way into the bathroom and quickly showered. He felt ridiculous making an effort, but resigned himself to lean in.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, he headed back into his bedroom, contemplating what he was going to wear when he saw the clothes lying on his bed; a pair of dark jeans, a soft periwinkle sweater, his shoes sitting on the bench.

David.

Patrick felt something inside him break as he looked at the clothes. David was still taking care of him even as this slowly killed him. David would always take care of him, no matter what happened. Patrick sat on the bed, head in his hands, David was the only thing he could see when he closed his eyes.

Eventually, he pulled on the clothes and left, meeting James for dinner.

\----

A few hours later, Patrick returned to his apartment and sat on the couch, not bothering to turn on a light, and sighed into the dark.

His phone pinged, and looked down to see a text message from James, asking him to dinner for the next night. Patrick paused for a moment before responding.

**_Sure_ ** _. **That’d be nice.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your lovely kudos and comments. It's been quite some time since I've written for a fandom (like, most of you probably weren't born. Or were very small children) and my nerves were quite high in posting. So thanks kids, much appreciated.


	4. When Everything’s Made to Be Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's only doing what was asked of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments and kudos are truly making this a wonderful experience. 
> 
> Also turns out, 90s love songs are great for angst. Explains my formative years. 
> 
> Chapter title from "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls.

Chapter 4

**When Everything’s Made to Be Broken**

He knew the peace and solitude wouldn’t last. It had been a full week since he had completely upended his life and moved back into the motel. A week where his sister, distracted by her own relationship problems and work, had barely registered that he had abruptly moved back into their room, had barely registered that her usually loquacious brother was oddly quiet. But to expect that to continue to go unnoticed was apparently too much.

David knew in his heart it was what he deserved.

Alexis was sitting at her desk, typing away, when she suddenly turned and looked at her brother. He sat in his bed, his headphones askew on his head, allowing him to hear partially out of one ear, scrolling through his phone.

“David? David why aren’t you at the store?”

“It’s Monday. We aren’t open on Mondays.”

“Ok then why aren’t you at Patrick’s?” Her hands reached for her earrings, running the smooth hoops between her fingers in an absent-minded way.

David didn’t respond, continuing to scroll through his phone until he found the song that he wanted. Pressing play, he placed his phone back on the bed next to him and picked his notebook up off his lap. His pen made gentle marks across the page as he continued to sketch and make notes.

“David.” Alexis stood and wandered over to her bed, perching on the end, crossing her legs elegantly as she prodded him. “What’s going on. You’ve been sleeping here for almost a week. That hasn’t happened since Patrick moved into his own place.”

David made a noncommittal sound, continuing to sketch.

“David…”

“What!” He snapped, turning to his sister. “Obviously I don’t want to talk about it Alexis.”

Alexis narrowed her eyes, fixing David with a look that had always worked when they were kids. She could easily get David to tell her his deepest secrets when she looked at him like this. For his part, David was stalwart in his refusal to look at his sister. “It’s not going to work this time, Alexis. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I’ll just go ask Patrick.” She stubbornly responded, crossing her arms over her chest, flipping her hair back as she did so. “If you won’t tell me, I’ll just go ask your little button of a…” She stopped abruptly, staring at her brother’s hands. “David, where are your engagement rings?”

\-----

Closing the door behind her, Alexis entered the front office of the motel, watching as a guest finished checking in and moving aside to allow them to exit the door around her.

“So, I’m guessing you know what’s going on.” Alexis aimed her words towards Stevie. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes, I do.”

“Soooo?” She drew out the vowel, flinging her wrists around like an exceptionally dramatic T-Rex. “The fuck, Stevie?”

Stevie sighed, leaning against the counter. Honestly, she’s shocked it took this long. She knew the Roses weren’t the best at noticing the people around them, but Alexis tended to be more observant that this. Ted being gone was really throwing her off her game.

“If David chose not to tell you, I don’t feel comfortable doing so.” Alexis’s expression fell. “That being said, unless your brother specifically told you not to… I’d go talk to Patrick.” She may not be willing to spill David’s secrets, but Stevie also was tired of being in this alone. Being the go between for these two was emotionally exhausting. They were barely communicating, but when they did, it was only through her.

“Why isn’t he wearing his rings?” Stevie wasn’t used to hearing Alexis’s voice so small, nor seeing her eyes so sad. It was almost enough to make Stevie crack and tell Alexis everything. Almost.

“Again, if David doesn’t want to share… go ask Patrick.” Stevie picked her book up and leaned back away from the counter. She hated that she had made Alexis look like that, but David was her person. Her ride or die. Her best friend. She wouldn’t betray him for anyone.

\----

The knock on the door startles Patrick. Standing up from the couch, he turns and stares at the door. When was the last time someone had _knocked_ on his apartment door? David always just enters, Stevie knocks, but as she’s already opening the door. He thinks the last person who might have knocked on his door, and waited for an answer, was drunk Ted. But it was 1pm on a Monday. And Ted was in the Galapagos.

He certainly wasn’t expecting Alexis.

“Alexis? What…” She pushed passed him into the apartment and landed somewhere between his kitchen and his couch, a swirl of skirt and hoop earrings.

“Ok so you seem fine.” She glanced over at the book on the coffee table laying open, the cup of tea next to it and the man standing before her, not an illness or disfigurement to him. “So, what the fuck?”

“Alexis…”

“No. Nope.” She sounded like David. He wondered, not for the first time, if the Rose siblings always shared these quirks or if it was a new addition since arriving in Schitt’s Creek. “David is back at the motel, listening to music just about 24/7 and being quiet. Very quiet. Like, I’ve never actually heard him this quiet before.” Patrick sighed, his hands falling to his hips as his head fell to his chest. “Why isn’t David wearing his engagement rings, Patrick?”

“Because he took them off when he told me to go see other people.”

“David wants to see other people? I don’t believe that.”

“No. He wants _me_ to see other people.”

“Didn’t you guys already go through this? With Ken and his teeny weeny polo?”

Patrick scrubs his hand over his face and walks to sit back down on the couch. If he was given the choice, Alexis is the not the Rose that he would have chosen to be speaking with right now. But the world was done with giving Patrick anything he wanted. He would take what he was given.

“This thing happened…with Jake… anyways it apparently freaked David out and he… I’m supposed to be going out and having David free experiences to make sure I know what I want.”

“And are you?” Patrick shrugged. “Oh my god, you are. You’re going out and like… being with other people.” Alexis blinked rapidly at him. “I can’t believe you.”

“Hey, I’m doing what he asked. He asked that I take this seriously and put an effort into going out and meeting other people. So, I am.” He didn’t want to be justifying himself to Alexis right now. He was still justifying it to himself if he were honest.

“So what, you’re just going out every night, picking up randoms, fucking around on my brother.” Her voice had taken on an edge he’d never heard before. He knew there was a side to Alexis that he had yet to experience, but from what he knew, it was a side he had no interest in meeting. The fact that the girl who stood before him was the same girl who had escaped from the Yakuza still baffled him.

“No, I’m not. I went to a bar. I’ve had dinner with one person.”

“And now you’re done and you’re going to go make things right with David.” Patrick sighed, picked up his now cold tea and walked into the kitchen, dumping the liquid down the sink. “Wow. You’re seeing him again. Tonight.” Patrick nodded, his back still to Alexis. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Patrick didn’t turn around until he heard the door click behind her. “Me too.” He mumbled to himself as he crossed his arms, leaning against the sink. He stood there for several moments, staring into space. It took him a while to realize Alexis hadn’t once flipped her hair, or used her T-Rex arms. He had never seen her so serious before. So protective.

It was awful.

Later, as Patrick came back home after his second date with James, he can’t help the smile that graces his lips. He had had fun. James was light, easy, funny. The conversation had been simple, the food had been good (they had gone to a new restaurant in Elmglen, a vast improvement from Café Tropical). He liked James. But as he brushed his teeth before bed, he couldn’t help Alexis’s words floating through his head. Did he know what he was doing?

He wasn’t so sure anymore.

\-----

Alexis returned to the motel that night, having spent the majority of the day avoiding it. Now, knowing what was going on with her brother, she wasn’t sure if she could look at him and not start crying. Or slap him. She wasn’t sure which one she wanted to do more. David was deep in a spiral of self-sabotage. She had seen it before, had been a front row witness to the many times he fell back on bad habits. She thought this had been different, thought Patrick had finally been the one to make him relax into himself. But she supposed the cliché was sometimes true, and for David, old habits die hard.

She opened the door to their room, scrunching her face up in confusion to the darkness that greeted her. It wasn’t late, David wouldn’t have gone to bed yet. She stepped in and closed the door softly behind her. She quickly walked over to the bathroom and clicked the light on, illuminating the room but not so bright as to wake David. Because David _was_ there, sleeping, his journal open on his lap, headphones still perched on his head in a lopsided manner. A pen hung from his hand.

Alexis smiled softly. He looked deceptively peaceful. Toeing off her shoes, she crossed the room and slipped the headphones softly off his head, picking up his phone and moving to place it on the nightstand. It was open to his music playlist. She paused for a moment and scrolled through the music David had been listening to. It was littered with sad love songs of heart break and despair. Alexis frowned and placed the phone down, the sadness she felt for her brother rising in that moment.

She shifted the pen out of his hand and reached for his journal. She knew better than to read anything he had written. Even Alexis had boundaries. But as she glanced down to close the book, she noticed the pages weren’t full of the sad words she expected. Instead she saw, as she sat down on the edge of her bed and flipped through the last few pages of David’s journal, sketch after sketch of hands folded gracefully, hands clutching the neck of a guitar, and page after page of a soft smile and kind eyes. Patrick stared back at her from every inch of David’s journal, each line of his face carefully and methodically placed lovingly by her brother’s skillful hands.

Alexis’s heart broke into a thousand pieces. She fell asleep that night on her side, staring at her brother who had been so skilled in saving her for so many years, helpless to fix this for him.

\-----

Stevie pauses outside of Rose Apothecary, watching her friend behind the counter smile as he typed away on his phone. Three weeks ago, she would have entered and made a comment about the sickening adorableness of her friends being together, told him to reign it in and stop making the world want to vomit from their love. Now, she felt a painful tug at her heart. She no longer was certain about the reason behind the smile. But she knew her best friend was back at the motel, lost in a deep spiral of sadness, and not at the other end of this particular text.

The bell jingled as the door opened. Patrick looked up and locked eyes with Stevie, his smiling widening further. “Good Morning, Stevie.” His tone was bright. She hated it.

“Hey.”

“What…”

“You seem happy. With your little text buddy, there.” She pointed at his phone. She tried to stay neutral, but the part of her connected to David reared up and took over.

Patrick sighed, glancing down at his phone. “I…Sure.” He shrugged. “I’m just trying…I’m doing what was asked of me. And not trying to be… I’m trying not to resent…” He sighed again, deep, as he placed his phone down on the counter. “What do you want from me?” His tone had shifted from optimistic to downright defeated.

“I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair. I know this wasn’t your idea and we both know if you weren’t…doing what was asked of you it would only get worse.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want to tell me about him?” Stevie asked quietly, not sure what she wanted his answer to be. Patrick raised an eyebrow at her. “Really. I’d like to hear about him.”

\-----

Wednesdays were quickly becoming a sanctuary for David. After two days of sitting alone in his motel room, avoiding his family, he was able to go back to the store and busy himself with everything there. This Wednesday, even more so than the last. It had been nine days since he had seen Patrick, three days since he had left the outfit sitting on Patrick’s bed and each day seemed to stretch years.

But today, he had the store to focus on. He did a quick survey of the floor and noticed a few holes in the merchandise. He got to work replenishing stock, taking inventory, going through the sales from the day before and looking at vendor contracts to determine if they needed to up their orders for next month.

There was a steady stream of customers throughout the day and David, who had never been great at putting on what he called a “customer service face” dug deep within himself and made pleasant small talk with each person as they shopped. He managed to upsell several people into larger purchases and by the time he glanced up at the clock it was already 4:30pm. He pulled stock from the back room and made the floor perfect, using those last 30 minutes to get a head start on closing procedures. When 5 o’clock came around he was all but done, flipping the sign to close, locking the door and turning off the lights. He grabbed the day’s receipts and cash and walked behind the curtain, putting everything into the safe.

Another day down on this terrible timeline of his own making.

\-----

Patrick bounded up the stairs and swiftly unlocked the door, walking into the dark store, Stevie following close behind him.

“Just one bottle?” He asked again as he moved towards the wine rack.

“Yeah. It’s just me, I don’t think I’ve hit the ‘need several bottles a night’ sad part of my life just quite yet. Give me a little credit.” Patrick scoffed and stood, a bottle of wine in each hand. “But if you wanna give me two for the price of one…”

Patrick laughed, handing one of the bottles to Stevie. “This one is for me, thanks.” Stevie’s eyebrows shot up. “I have…I’m seeing… It’s just in case.”

“This is what, date three?” Patrick nodded. “And you’re bringing it just in case. Because it’s date three.” Patrick nodded again. “Well ok then.”

“I’m not saying I’ll definitely need it, but.” He shrugged.

Stevie held her hands up in placation. “Hey, no judgement from me. Maybe a little blackmail to get this bottle at cost, but no judgement.”

Patrick laughed. “Sure.”

Stevie grinned as Patrick added their bottles to the list he kept under the cash register of purchases made by themselves to be reconciled later. “Add one more thing.” Patrick looked up at her questioningly. “Lip balm.” She threw the small tube at him, Patrick catching it against his chest. “Just in case.”

Patrick rolled his eyes at her, pocketing the lip balm.

\-----

Behind the curtain, David sat up against the wall, knees to his chest, frozen, as he listened to the bell chime again, the lock slide in the door, and their voices slowly fade into the distance.

Hugging his knees impossibly closer, he placed a hand over his mouth and cried silently into the darkness.


	5. Something in Your Eyes Captured My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which promises are remade and the angst finally oxidizes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check that updated rating kids. I've never written anything even a little smutty, so this is a) my first time and b) way more mild than most and c) probably sucks. But I'd be remiss if I didn't up that rating for at least the barest of sexual content. Strong PG-13, not quite a hard R. TV-14 SLD not quite TV-MA.
> 
> Chapter title from "Can't Let Go" from the one, the only, Mariah Carey.

Chapter 5

**Something in Your Eyes Captured My Soul**

Patrick pushed open his front door, a laugh playing across his face. He tossed his keys on to the kitchen table and gestured widely to the room. “Welcome.”

James walked in behind him, nodding approvingly. “You know, having to walk up three flights of stairs I wasn’t sure what to expect but hey… not bad.” He turned slowly, taking in the entire apartment. “Though that might just be because you have good taste in design.”

Patrick cleared his throat awkwardly. David had done the majority of the decorating. “Thanks.” He walked fully into the kitchen. “Drink?”

James hummed noncommittally as he followed Patrick into the kitchen. Patrick pulled down two glasses and then turned, leaning back into the counter, his hands resting softly on the counter top on either side of his hips, James walking towards him slowly.

They had had fun tonight, yet again. James laughed easily at Patrick’s jokes, and it was easier this time to avoid any and all David stories. It hadn’t been difficult to enjoy himself. James was lovely company. He was a bit younger than Patrick would have expected himself to be with, but after two years of being the younger of the two in his relationship, and fifteen years of zero age gap with Rachel, it was an interesting feeling being the more mature one of the pair. Maybe not the more experienced one, but certainly the more mature.

He watched as James walked towards him ever so slowly. He could feel it in the air what was going to happen. _Oh God, he’s going to kiss me_. He knew this was coming the second he invited James upstairs, and yet he still found himself baffled when it did.

It happened slow. James walked into his space and placed his hands lightly on Patrick’s waist before leaning in ever so slowly. He was tentative at first, barely brushing his lips against Patrick’s before leaning further in, pressing up against Patrick and kissing him fully.

Patrick tensed for a moment before relaxing. It wasn’t a _bad_ kiss. It was warm and inviting. He could feel James from chest to knee, pressed up against him. He could feel James hardening against him, feel the light lick of James’s tongue against his lips, asking ever so politely to be let in.

_This is wrong._

Patrick pushed back, breaking away from the younger man. He blinked rapidly and cleared his throat. James moved back in to kiss him and Patrick placed a hand lightly on his chest, stilling his movement, putting some distance between them.

“I’m, I’m sorry. I … I can’t. You’re a really nice guy…”

“Oh god.” James cut him off. “You can stop there. It’s ok, honestly.” He pulled away fully, taking a step back from Patrick. “I don’t need the ‘you’re a nice guy’ speech. It’s ok.”

“I just…” Patrick sighed.

“It didn’t do it for you.” James stated pointedly, no emotion behind the words.

“No. I’m sorry.”

James shrugged, “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either.” Patrick offered. “I’m just deeply in love with someone else. And honestly, no one can compare to that.”

James smiled softly. “That’d be more touching if I wasn’t being rejected right now.” Patrick laughed, smiling. “Well. Thanks for dinner, anyways.” Patrick nodded. “And for the attempt at getting me to like musical theater. Another two, three dates and I think you could have convinced me.” James turned towards the door. “I hope this guy knows how lucky he is.”

Patrick stared after him as James closed the door behind him. There was no doubt in his mind what he wanted. There never had been.

\-----

Thursdays sucked. They were the worst of all the days. Worse than any Monday. Worse than any Tuesday after a long weekend. Way worse than Wednesdays. Thursdays were a day to be cursed out of existence.

At least this one was.

David had barely slept. He had finally left the store at almost midnight, making his way slowly back to the motel. There would have been something beautiful about Schitt’s Creek at night on any other given day if it weren’t for the fact that his entire world was ending.

He had known this was a possibility. It was the whole point of this exercise, for Patrick to go out, be with other people, decide what he really truly wants. But a small part of David hoped that he wouldn’t be able to find it. That he’d come back to David. That part was the stupid, hopeful part of David.

He was grateful that Alexis was already asleep by the time he had climbed into bed. And he had prayed she couldn’t hear him as he slowly cried himself to sleep.

Now in the harsh light of day, everything had only gotten worse. David contemplated going to the office, talking to Stevie, asking her to find out how Patrick’s third date went. But even he knew that was the masochistic side of him coming out, knew that there was self-sabotage and then there was self-destruction. He also knew that historically self-destruction came with trying to bring down everything around him, and David had grown past that at least. Even if the impulse still burned beneath his skin.

Still, why did Thursdays have to be so long? Sitting in his bed David couldn’t understand how time was moving so slowly. He needed this day to be over.

“David?” Alexis’s voice rang through the room as she stepped through the door adjoining their room to Johnny and Moira’s. “David.” He blinked rapidly several times before meeting her gaze.

“Hmmm?”

“We’re going to go get breakfast. Do you want to come?”

“No thank you.” The idea of sitting at a table with his family only steps from the store sounded worse than anything David could think of. He’d take wearing discount department store brand sweaters first.

“Can I bring you something back?”

“No thank you.” He smiled softly at his sister. “I’m fine, Alexis.”

She nodded and backed out of the room, closing the door behind her. David starred at the wall again, willing time to speed up.

“David?” David turned, Alexis was standing in the doorway again.

“I told you I’m fine Alexis. Honestly, go have breakfast.”

Alexis’s eyebrows stitched together. “I did David. Several hours ago. It’s after 4.”

David blinked and shifted in bed. Had he really spent the whole day staring into the distance? “Oh.”

“Why don’t we go to dinner. Come on, my treat. We can go get pizza in Elmdale. Or even go get Chinese out in Elm Valley. It’ll be fun.” David moved to protest. “No. You need to get out of this room and stop being…” she gestured to him, her wrists flapping lightly with the movement. “This.”

David rolled his eyes at his sister. “I mean it. Take a shower and get dressed. We’ll leave in a little while. I’m not taking no for an answer. I will drag you into the shower fully clothed if I have to.” She pointed at him. “And you know I hauled a Serbian security guard over 300 yards when I needed his keycard to get out of that Slovakian drug cartel compound. And he weighed way more than you do.” She flicked her hair back and turned towards their parent’s room. “Two minutes or I start dragging.”

David sighed in frustration as the door closed. He knew she was right. He needed to get up and act like a person again. And he was hungry. And pizza sounded good.

Twenty minutes later David walked out of the bathroom, showered and dressed. He felt moderately better, more human if nothing else. He walked over to the closet and began searching for his boots. If he was going to be dragged to Elmdale he was at least going to wear his Dries Van Noten boots. They were very military, very combat. They made him feel ready for battle.

He shifted Alexis’s shoes around looking for them, but his boots were nowhere to be found. Leaning back against his heels David thought about the last time he wore them and where he could have left them.

Fuck. They were in Patrick’s closet. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_.

David pulled out his phone and glanced at the time. 4:45. Patrick would be closing in 15 minutes. Then it took roughly 30 minutes to go through closing procedures. If he rushed he could just make it in and out of there before Patrick came home.

Throwing on a pair of sneakers, David dashed out the door, texting his sister as he walked quickly what he was doing, that he’d be quick and then they could go. Alexis sent back a thumbs up emoji and David pocketed his phone, picking up speed as he rushed through town.

\----

15 minutes later and David was standing in Patrick’s apartment. He’s not sure what he thought he’d find, evidence of things unseen, but nothing seemed out of place. David cleared the tears out of his throat and shook himself out of his reverie. He was here for a purpose.

He walked over to the closet and crouched down, sifting through the bottom layer until he found his boots. He pulled them out, closing the closet back up and moved to sit on the trunk at the foot of Patrick’s bed. He placed the boots on the floor by his feet and took a deep breath.

This could very possibly be the last time he was in this apartment. David glanced around the room, memories of moments between him and Patrick flying through his mind like some cruel movie strip. He sat there for several minutes, trying to remember every last detail. If he was never going to be here again, he sure as hell wanted to commit every moment to memory. He wanted to give himself something to live off of for the next forever.

He scrubbed a hand across his face and shook his head. He was wasting time. Patrick could be home at any minute. Patrick could be home at any minute, with someone.

David leaned down and began unlacing his sneakers, pulling them both off. He was just about to pull on a boot when the door opened. David froze as he watched Patrick come through the door, place his keys down on the table, pull a bottle of water out of the fridge and turn, meeting his eyes.

“David.”

“I’m sorry.” David stammered. “I had left my boots here…I wanted…I’m sorry. I should have warned you that I was here. I’ll be gone in literal seconds.”

David leaned down and threw his feet into his boots, squirming slightly in his effort to get them on. He could lace them up outside. Why, oh why, did he need to wear _these_ boots tonight? He stopped his movement when he realized Patrick was standing directly in front of him. He hadn’t even noticed that he had been walking towards him.

David sat up and stared up at Patrick. If he could have spoken, he’s not sure what he would have said. Patrick’s eyes seemed to be burrowing into David’s. Patrick stepped closer, one leg slipping between David’s as he bent the other, sliding it up onto the trunk, resting next to David’s hip, his hands finding their way into David’s hair, pushing his head back as Patrick leaned down and kissed him softly.

David closed his eyes as Patrick’s lips found his. Fireworks popped behind his eyes as he sighed into the kiss. Ten days without this was far too many. David wanted to die in this moment, live in this moment, never let this moment go.

\-----

Patrick felt David sigh against him and tightened his hold on David’s hair ever so slightly. The moment their lips had touched it was like every cell of Patrick clicked into place. This is what he knew he would never be able to feel with anyone else. This utter feeling of _rightness_. He never wanted to lose it again.

He pulled away ever so slightly, leaning his forehead against David’s, his eyes still closed as they shared the breath between them. Patrick opened his eyes in time to watch David blink his open. They stayed in that position, Patrick’s hands in David’s hair, David’s fingertips barely brushing against Patrick’s legs. Neither of them wanting to break the silence.

David was the first to break the silence, his voice coming out gravelly, cracking. “Honey…”

Something inside Patrick snapped and suddenly he was attached to David, his mouth searching out David’s as his fingers gripped David’s hair. He felt David’s hands rest firmly against his waist as Patrick slipped his tongue out, questing against David’s mouth.

Moaning deeply, David’s mouth opened and Patrick immediately took advantage, licking into his mouth, seemingly chasing David’s moan with his own. The kiss became frantic, all teeth and tongue, both men trying desperately to pull the other closer.

Patrick pulled back suddenly, pulling his sweater up and off, reaching to do the same with David. Tossing their knits aside, Patrick moved to fully straddle David’s waist on the trunk and leaned back down, taking David’s face in his hands and kissing him deeply. A sharp moan escaping David’s mouth as Patrick took his lower lip between his teeth, scraping against it softly.

Reading each other’s thoughts, or perhaps both just desperate for each other, they moved together further up the bed, shoes, sock and jeans being discarded along the way until they were up against the pillows, Patrick straddling David, David’s hands gripping Patrick’s ass, nothing but their boxer briefs between them.

They moved at a hurried pace then, final items of clothing being removed as lube appeared out of nowhere. Patrick moving between David’s legs to open him up, mouths never leaving each other’s. Before either of them registered what was happening Patrick was sliding slowly into David and suddenly, it was like he was home.

\----

David gasped as Patrick bottomed out. He hitched his leg up, wrapping it around Patrick’s waist, allowing him to hit deeper. Foreheads pressed together, they moved in unison, Patrick thrusting in and out of David at a steady pace, David moving to meet him. Patrick had one hand cupping David’s head, the other gripping the back of his thigh as he picked up the pace slightly. Neither of them spoke, soft gasps and moans the only noise in the room as they came together over and over again.

Keeping eye contact with Patrick, only a breath of air between them, David could feel Patrick tense, feel him hurtling towards completion. David nodded in agreement, shifting so that his leg rested higher against Patrick’s waist. Patrick released David’s thigh and wrapped his hand around David between them, moving in rhythm along with his thrusts, he pushed them both closer to the edge.

David gripped Patrick’s forearms as he arched up, his orgasm taking over his entire being as his eyes slipped close and his hips lifted off the mattress, coming hot and thick between them, his mouth open in a silent gasp.

He felt Patrick groan as David came around him, pushing Patrick over his own edge. He leaned his head into David’s shoulder, biting down softly as his hips stuttered and he emptied himself into David.

They laid there for a moment, Patrick still buried deep inside him, both trying to catch their breaths and it occurred to David that this time felt different. There had been something that he couldn’t put words to.

He prayed it wasn’t _goodbye_.

\-----

Later, after they had cleaned up and both slipped back into their boxer briefs, they crawled back into bed, David resting his head on Patrick’s chest, one leg bent over Patrick’s hip as Patrick wrapped his arm around David’s back, his hand in David’s hair, slowly stroking his fingers through the soft locks.

They still hadn’t said a word.

Anxiety began to fling its way through David’s head the longer he lay there. He wanted to speak, say something, anything, but was so scared of what the response would be that he kept his thoughts to himself, worrying his lower lip with his teeth and brushing his thumb softly over Patrick’s side.

He felt Patrick shift underneath him and knew the silence was about to be broken. David held his breath.

“So we should talk about this.” Patrick’s voice was soft, as unobtrusive as possible in the darkening apartment.

“Yup.” David felt the word stick in his throat and cleared it, trying again. “Yes. We…we should.”

Patrick sat up, disentangling him from David, leaning against the headboard. “David, these last ten days have been… they have been, well I don’t want to say torturous, but pretty awful.”

David sat up, facing Patrick, sitting cross legged on the bed like a small child. He nodded his head. “I would use the word torturous, personally.” His breath was coming out shakily and David willed himself to not tear up, no matter where this conversation was leading. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You were. You were right. I think we were always coming to this.” David nodded again, keeping his gaze down and fidgeting with is left ring finger, pressing on the bruise that ten days of fidgeting had produced. “These ten days… I know what I want David.”

David closed his eyes. This was it. This is where it ended. _It was a goodbye_.

Patrick tucked a finger under David’s chin, forcing him to meet his gaze. “You, David. I’ve only ever wanted you.” David was helpless to stop the tears streaming down his face. “I don’t want to spend another second without you.”

David laughed out a sob. “Oh, thank God.” He launched forward, pressing his face into Patrick’s neck, wrapping his arms as tight as he could around him. David was never letting go again. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I was scared. And stupid. And this was so dumb. I’m so sorry.”

Patrick rubbed a hand up and down David’s back, murmuring soft shushes as he did. “It’s ok. It’s ok.”

They stayed in that moment, David crying quietly into Patrick’s neck as Patrick soothed him. How could David ever have second guessed this? This was the _only_ thing that mattered. Eventually, David sat back, wiped the tears from his eyes and cleared his throat.

“I’m still sorry. I let…I let my insecurities rule instead of just, talking to you about things.”

Patrick nodded. “You did. And I meant what I said, David. We are not doing this again. From here on out, either you trust me and trust us or you don’t.”

“I trust you.”

“David…”

“No. I trust you. This wasn’t about not trusting you. I didn’t…” David sighed and looked down again. God, he hated this. “I didn’t trust me. I didn’t trust that I was someone worth… someone worth wanting to spend forever with. That I was…worth it.”

“You know, I wasn’t lying when I said asking you to marry me was the easiest decision of my life.” Patrick stilled David’s nervous fidgeting, placing his hands over David’s. “I wouldn’t call _you_ easy. You’re difficult as hell and make me want to throw things sometimes. But _being_ with you? Choosing to spend the rest of my life with you?” He forced David to look at him again. “Easiest. Decision. Of. My. Life.”

\-----

Laying back against Patrick, David let himself listen to the steady drum of his heart, as he brushed his fingertips across Patrick’s skin. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed this, this right here, as much as he did. He knew he missed Patrick but it was the quiet moments that David never imagined he’d miss.

They stayed there for a few minutes, relaxing into each other’s company when David felt Patrick’s stomach rumble beneath him. Laughter spilled out of David. “Hungry?”

Patrick grinned, laughter across his face. “Yeah well, I was busy all day and expected to come home and eat dinner. _Something_ distracted me.” Patrick leaned over to grab his phone from the nightstand. “Pizza?”

“Fuck.” David sat up and went to find his jeans. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Pizza. Fuck.”

“Ummm… We can do something else if you want?” Patrick looked over at David, a confused look across his face.

“No. Pizza’s fine. I just… _Fuck_.” He grabbed his pants off the floor and fished around for his phone. “I was supposed to go get pizza with Alexis. I had just run over here for my boots.” He glanced at his phone and sure enough, three missed calls and seven texts. All from Alexis. “Fuck.”

Sitting back next to Patrick, David dialed his sister, continuing to whisper _fuck_ under his breath.“What the fuck, David?!” Alexis’s voice rang out loud enough that Patrick’s eyebrows rose in response.   
  
“Calm down, Alexis.” Patrick grinned at the snippy tone David saved only for his sister. “Something came up. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. I’ve been sitting here for over an hour waiting for you to come back with your boots. What the fuck.”

“ _Something_ came up. I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“David! You can’t just.”

“Bye Alexis!” Patrick called out, cutting off her tirade.

David grinned at the silence. “Bye Alexis.” He echoed before hitting end. “You know she’s going to go tell literally everyone now, right? If we make it another 30 minutes without being interrupted, I’ll be shocked.”

Patrick grabbed David’s phone, switching it off before laying it on his night stand. “They’ll survive.” He curled an arm around David, pulling him close again. “So, pizza?”

“Mmmm. Pepperoni. And Sausage. Oooh and peppers. And cheesy bread!” Patrick laughed, picking up his phone again and calling in their order.

\-----

Patrick walked back towards the bed, carrying two bottles of water and tossed one at David. “Think fast!” David startled back and watched as the bottle hit the wall next to his head, bouncing back onto the bed.

“What the…”

“You were supposed to catch it.”

“I’m sorry, have we met? What makes you think that was _ever_ going to happen?”

Patrick grinned and climbed back into bed. “Sorry. Don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Would Third Date have gotten that?” David asked lightly, opening the water and downing a large gulp, looking at Patrick out of the corner of his eye.

“Excuse me?”

“Third Date. Would he have gotten whatever reference that was?’

“How do you know…? Did Stevie?”

David shook his head. “I was in the backroom yesterday when you stopped by.” Patrick looked physically pained by the information. “It’s ok. It’s…you were just doing…It’s fine. Rule number one remember? Nothing gets held against you.”

Patrick shook his head and shifted to be sitting up further. “Hey. David. Look at me.” He waited until David looked up and met his eyes. “Nothing happened.” David began to protest. “No. I want you to hear this. _Nothing happened._ He kissed me, and immediately I knew it wasn’t right. You make me feel right.”

David stared at Patrick for a moment. He hadn’t repeated those words since The Rachel Incident. David leaned forward, capturing Patrick’s mouth with his own. It was sweet and soft, David’s hand wrapping around Patrick’s neck. It felt eerily similar to their first kiss.

“There’s still one thing.” Patrick whispered as he pulled away.

David cleared the emotion from his throat. “Ok…”

Patrick leaned over and opened the drawer next to the bed. Reaching behind his mouth guard, various bottles of lube, and scraps of paper, Patrick pulled out a sleek velvet box and brought it to his lap. Clearing his throat, Patrick raised up onto his knees and turned to fully face David.

“David.” David looked up at him softly, quietly, waiting. Hoping. “Will you marry me?”

Nodding, David’s face broke out into a sun stealing grin as tears began to fall softly down his cheeks. “ _God yes._ ”

Patrick’s grin matched David’s as he opened the box and began placing the rings back where they belonged on David’s left hand. “You. Are _never_ allowed to take these off again.” David laughed. “I mean it. Never. I’m thinking of getting them fused to your skin.”

David shook his head. “Never.” He agreed, flexing his hand as the fourth ring fell into place. Reaching up, David gripped the back of Patrick’s head and pulled him down. Lips met in heat as Patrick lowered himself fully down on to David. They came together again, slower and softer than before, each one taking their time with the other. And as Patrick slowly thrust into David, David had that same feeling as before. Something was different.

As he felt himself getting close, it finally clicked. David was letting go. Letting go of everything from his past, all the hurt, all the mistrust, all the questions he had about his own judgement were dissolving away with each movement that Patrick took. As they both jumped off the edge, seconds apart, David knew. No one would ever be able to compare to Patrick.

And he was never letting anyone else try.

\-----

David looked up as Stevie entered the store on Friday morning. She stalked over to the counter and stared at him, unblinkingly, her fingers drumming on the counter.

“Can I help you?” David kept his voice neutral.

“I tried to call you last night. It went to voicemail. Every time.”

“Mmm. I was busy.”

“Busy. Doing what…”

“Hi Stevie.” Patrick appeared from the back room, several bottles of body milk in his hands as he moved over to the shelves, restocking the product.

Stevie turned back to David, smirking. “Like I said…I was busy.” David tried and failed to hide the smile across his face.

“Well thank Christ.” Stevie’s smile only grew as she watched Patrick return to behind the counter, watched as his hand brushed against David’s back as he passed him. “About damn time. Much longer and I was going to lock you both in a room until you worked it out.”

“Thanks so much.” David snarked at her as she made her way to the door. “Best wishes.”

“Warmest regards.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thanks for sticking with me to the end all! As promised, I told the angst in me to fuck right off for this one and made sure these two boys landed back where they belong. All your comments and kudos have been very uplifting and vastly helpful as I dipped my toe back into fandom writing waters. I have a feeling I might stick around for a bit, but honestly who knows. Thanks for the ride, friends. Hopefully I'll see you all on the next one.

**Author's Note:**

> I know the rules set by Daniel and the team, so know that eventually, our boys will figure this shit out. It's just going to hurt pretty profusely first. I tend to be a pretty angsty person in general and well, they say write what you know.
> 
> Rating may change, more tags may be added. Who knows at this point. Typically when I get something in my head I can't stop so I have no plans for how many chapters or the frequency of posting, I'm kind of just letting this one scream at me until it's done.
> 
> Title from Madonna's Frozen.


End file.
